My career spanned more than two and a half decades
working for other people in order to achieve retirement.
I dreamed of sleeping late and sitting on a patio
in a cushy chair whenever I got the urge.
I imagined tropical, Margaritaville vacations,
a cold one or glass of good red wine any time,
watching sports on a big screen TV at my leisure,
and taking a nap whenever for no particular reason.
But guess what, that notion about retirement
being nirvana isn't exactly that straightforward.
Retirement has a mind of its own
and doesn't follow any script we've been shown.
It becomes a series of doctor visits almost weekly followed
by picking up new prescriptions or refills.
A pharmacist will be one of your new best friends.
Saturday night was "date night" the first year after retirement.
Now we stay home, try to stay awake for the 10 o'clock news
and watch a car jacking where we used to go dancing.
Saturday Night Live has become a series of reruns,
and the infrequent new shows are stupid and lack distinctiveness.
A big event has become an over-night trip.
Packing for one of these adventures gives the appearance of
preparing for a month-long European getaway.
We always pack three times as much as we use.
We now enjoy the "early bird" when visiting our favorite
restaurants because neither of us can see to drive at night.
Everything looks different after dark and
we've gotten lost more than once when coming home.
We don't have a high tech GPS device in our car.
We rarely go the mall these days because that's
where a lot of bad things happen.
Car and package jackings are common in the parking lots
and the stores are frigid year around.
Bring a sweater or get pneumonia in August.
Our memories aren't what they used to be,
but between the two of us we can usually remember
how to find the car in a parking lot, local grocery stores,
hospitals, clinics, pharmacies and a few restaurants.
Many medical facility managers know me by my first name.
That's an overview of a typical week in retirement.
Each Monday we start the adventure all over.
And you thought going to work sucked … keep that day job
or get out there and get one!