Craig Grau: Living room playbook - The Explorer: Sports

Craig Grau: Living room playbook

Print
Font Size:
Default font size
Larger font size

Posted: Tuesday, September 16, 2008 11:00 pm | Updated: 8:04 am, Thu Mar 24, 2011.

I’m hazarding a guess here.

Had Ted Kaczynski ordered NFL Sunday Ticket, he would have ended up embracing technology — maybe even an electric nacho tray — rather than the poured cement writing slab from where he now mathematically deciphers the Madden Curse.

That same carrot, the joy of 14 Hi-Def games in my own home, could almost lure me into grad school, to dissect differential equations and melt down over the higher calculus that figures into quarterback ratings.

But I feel no need to chase an advanced degree’s income just yet.

Especially when my (future) father-in-law tapped me to wire up his brand-new entertainment system; a testosterous 50-inch LCD and 5.1 channel mix worthy of its own Sunday Hail Marys.

The plan sounded simple enough: Parachute in, pet the dogs, toss some wiring, press a few buttons, kick back and earn a season-length post to watch my Chicago Bears drift along in the Quarterback Sea.

But like preseason projections and Pee Wee playbooks, “quick start” guides lie.

Maybe it’s the translation factor from Asiatic tongues to English instructions that trips up home theater installations like a bad audible. Synchronizing four new devices, and setting one remote control to wield their powers is anything but quick — requiring several black-screen dropouts during kickoffs and challenge replays.

By mid-afternoon, the living room is a mess of boxes, bits of spliced speaker wire and Taco Bell wrappers the dogs carted off during fits of awe and distraction.

And there’s still no sound.

So, back to the manual, a maze of fiber-optic post patterns and curl options that leads to disconnections and swaps for cables entombed in the garage.

When the audio kicks in at full volume, the dogs levitate from the simulated 90-decibel crowd, and run outside.

Of course, there’s no cleanup going on — Man Law allows for settling on the couch among plastic wrappers and discarded batteries until the wrap-up show finishes.

But when it comes to favors, football fans will do anything for family.

© 2014 The Explorer. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

More about

More about

More about

Welcome to the discussion.

Oro Valley Audiology

Oro Valley AudiologyAddress: 2542 E Vistoso Commerce Loop Rd, Oro Valley, AZ 85755Phone:(520) ...

HS Schedule

Tuesday, September 30

Boys Golf (3 p.m.)

Mountain View at Haven Golf Course

Ironwood Ridge, Buena, Catalina at Rincon (Dell Urich)

Girls Volleyball (4, 5, 6 p.m. unless otherwise noted)

Marana at CDO

Maricopa at Mountain View

Ironwood Ridge at Vista Grande

Poston Butte at Catalina Foothills

San Miguel at Pusch Ridge

Freshman Football (6 p.m.)

Maricopa at Marana

Wednesday, October 1

Girls Golf (3 p.m.)

Mountain View vs. Ironwood Ridge (Omnu Tucson National)

CDO, Sunnyside at Flowing Wells (Silverbell)

Sabino at Catalina Foothills

Cross Country (4:30 p.m.)

Ironwood Ridge, Sahuarita at Flowing Wells (Columbus Park)

Marana, St. Gregory at Catalina Foothills

Girls Volleyball (4, 5, 6 p.m. unless otherwise noted)

CDO at Ironwood Ridge

Freshman Football (6 p.m.)

Mountain View at Salpointe

Catalina Foothills at CDO

JV Football (6.p.m.)

Marana at Maricopa

Salpointe at Mountain View

CDO at Catalina Foothills

Thursday, October 2

Swimming (4 p.m.)

Mountain View, St. Gregory’s, Pusch Ridge at Marana

Girls Volleyball (4, 5, 6 p.m. unless otherwise noted)

Mountain View at Poston Butte

Catalina Foothills at Flowing Wells

Pusch Ridge at Willcox

Varsity Football (7p.m.)

Maricopa at Marana

Mountain View at Salpointe

Catalina Foothills @ CDO

Ironwood Ridge at Rincon

Friday, October 3

Boys Golf (all day)

CDO, Ironwood Ridge at Santa Rita/Flowing Wells Invitational

Girls Vollyeball (all day)

CDO, Catalina Foothills at Falcon Invitational

Cross Country

Catalina Foothills, CDO, Ironwood Ridge at Desert Twilight Festival

Varsity Footbal (7 p.m.)

Pusch Ridge at San Tan Valley

Saturday, October 4

Boys Golf (all day)

CDO at Santa Rita/Flowing Wells Invitational

Swimming (all day)

Catalina Foothills, CDO, Ironwood Ridge at Brophy/Xavier Swim Invitational

Girls Volleyball (4 p.m.)

Pusch Ridge at Desert Christian

MOS: Halloween

We asked the community about Halloween!

MOS: Ebola Virus

We asked the community about the Ebola Virus.

More Featured Videos

Oro Valley Audiology

Oro Valley AudiologyAddress: 2542 E Vistoso Commerce Loop Rd, Oro Valley, AZ 85755Phone:(520) ...

Spacer4px

Follow us on Facebook