Craig Grau: Favre from charmed - The Explorer: Sports

Craig Grau: Favre from charmed

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Posted: Tuesday, July 29, 2008 11:00 pm | Updated: 8:01 am, Thu Mar 24, 2011.

Despite the post-touchdown religious rituals that sanctify end zones, little superstition hangs over The Explorer’s sports desk.

But I’ve learned to fear the Madden Curse — for not even light, nor Brett Favre, can escape it.

Lamprey-like, the hex attaches to NFL players adorning the cover of the world’s greatest video game and drubs seasons in ways no chicken’s foot-and-beads ensemble could.

Now the bane’s burrowed inter-dimensional, seared through the looking glass, and into the realm of retired players.

For 2009, the Madden Curse stunningly morphed Favre into the NFL’s version of Hillary Clinton, running a circus-like resistance toward hanging up the jersey.

The EA Sports game gurus thought they walked the safe path this year. Plaster someone legendary — yet, inactive — on the box. No chances of a Shaun Alexander-ish broken foot, or Daunte Culpepperesque 4-7 season, supposedly.

The worst Favre could’ve done was soak up a nasty hangover and fall off his riding mower during the NFL Thanksgiving telecast. Right?

Even the Voodoo Lady from Richard Pryor’s “Mudbone,” Miss Rudolph, would glow.

And she turned a railroad worker into a polar bear.

One day, the Madden programmers, just for kicks, will include sports-agent arbitration and back-from-the-dead-just-one-more-season comeback modes for retirees.

Predictably enough, they’ll call this “The Favre Update.”

But the code geeks have bigger walleye to fillet for the moment. Like who to put on the 2010 cover.

Forget Michael Vick. Prison is sketchy enough without invoking the wrath of the spirit world. And they can’t use John Madden, considering the zealous manner in which he handles a turkey drumstick. You can already imagine the bone lodged horizontally in his neck, Tex Avery-style.

Maybe Osama bin Laden, streaking over the goal line for a collarbone-snapping botched reception? Or the Euro, to sandbag the dollar’s devaluation?

You’ve got to hand it to Aaron Rodgers, who’s avoided sprinkling liquid mercury around his locker ala Santeria, lest the Madden Curse nest in his jockstrap by proximity.

But if the Packers suddenly develop autism symptoms while running from Lambeau Field’s tunnel, you’ll know he cracked.

Just like the 2010 cover star’s tibia.

© 2014 The Explorer. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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Tuesday, September 30

Boys Golf (3 p.m.)

Mountain View at Haven Golf Course

Ironwood Ridge, Buena, Catalina at Rincon (Dell Urich)

Girls Volleyball (4, 5, 6 p.m. unless otherwise noted)

Marana at CDO

Maricopa at Mountain View

Ironwood Ridge at Vista Grande

Poston Butte at Catalina Foothills

San Miguel at Pusch Ridge

Freshman Football (6 p.m.)

Maricopa at Marana

Wednesday, October 1

Girls Golf (3 p.m.)

Mountain View vs. Ironwood Ridge (Omnu Tucson National)

CDO, Sunnyside at Flowing Wells (Silverbell)

Sabino at Catalina Foothills

Cross Country (4:30 p.m.)

Ironwood Ridge, Sahuarita at Flowing Wells (Columbus Park)

Marana, St. Gregory at Catalina Foothills

Girls Volleyball (4, 5, 6 p.m. unless otherwise noted)

CDO at Ironwood Ridge

Freshman Football (6 p.m.)

Mountain View at Salpointe

Catalina Foothills at CDO

JV Football (6.p.m.)

Marana at Maricopa

Salpointe at Mountain View

CDO at Catalina Foothills

Thursday, October 2

Swimming (4 p.m.)

Mountain View, St. Gregory’s, Pusch Ridge at Marana

Girls Volleyball (4, 5, 6 p.m. unless otherwise noted)

Mountain View at Poston Butte

Catalina Foothills at Flowing Wells

Pusch Ridge at Willcox

Varsity Football (7p.m.)

Maricopa at Marana

Mountain View at Salpointe

Catalina Foothills @ CDO

Ironwood Ridge at Rincon

Friday, October 3

Boys Golf (all day)

CDO, Ironwood Ridge at Santa Rita/Flowing Wells Invitational

Girls Vollyeball (all day)

CDO, Catalina Foothills at Falcon Invitational

Cross Country

Catalina Foothills, CDO, Ironwood Ridge at Desert Twilight Festival

Varsity Footbal (7 p.m.)

Pusch Ridge at San Tan Valley

Saturday, October 4

Boys Golf (all day)

CDO at Santa Rita/Flowing Wells Invitational

Swimming (all day)

Catalina Foothills, CDO, Ironwood Ridge at Brophy/Xavier Swim Invitational

Girls Volleyball (4 p.m.)

Pusch Ridge at Desert Christian

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